Pet Peeves, no poltergeists allowed.

Sri Lankans are known throughout the world for their hospitability (did I spell it right?) and their trademark smile. That smile which should have come along with the tag line ‘In rain and shine, in snow and sun’, but living in the good old country for the last twenty years, I’m forced to think otherwise. Don’t get me wrong, I am not generalizing every Sri Lankan who has lived upto this day, I just keep spotting patterns in certain stereotype models and I feel like typing up in this world wide blog so that all of you can read it and laugh at me later for being a total ass (behind my back).

1. The nosey aunties who have got nothing to say but rant about how the youth sucks because they are stereotyping the westerners. Ask them to define a westerner and all they can say is “oh well…uhm, you know, those hip people with…uhm, no culture and no values and whatever…they eat beef for god’s sake! isn’t that barbaric?” and so on. Barbaric my ass. Sri Lankans eat their fair share of meat too. It’s just that the cow is so domesticated that eating it would feel like, well, eating a dalmatian. Examples anyone? And of course the dear aunties have nothing to say about fish and chicken. gah.

2. The starers. You get them everywhere. Everywhere I go, there’s someone who just won’t stope staring. Okay so although I AM a Sri Lankan, I don’t look much like it with the not so black hair and the fair skin but what the heck? what’s the big deal if I look like I’m not from around here? Oh I get it! I am a barbarian right? Ha. Fine. It’s just plain bad manners to do that no one seems to have taught these louts anything about it. Get on a bus and all they do is stare, stare and stare. Just makes my head boil, that’s what.

3. The analytical politicians. They appear, mostly in the form of jobless uncles who happen to be pensioners, chilling it out on their home turfs with the newspapers. Listening to their adolescent daughters bitch and wail about the their co-workers who are total bitches who bitch about every bitching thing at work. Oh I really, really feel for those uncles. The poor old dears, but still, I don’t see any reason so as to why they should walk around the place making life living misery for others around them. Meet one one the road and he’l give you a complete analysis of either Mahinda Rajapakse and the Cabinet of Monkeys or the Obama and the LTTE perverts. It’s sickening really, I never watch the local news because it’s all a big lie. (same applies to CNN, least they’ve got nice newsreaders, unlike SLBC, which features…oh I’l pass) But did I stop watching the news so that I could subscribe to the local fat bottom news station? no way! I’d rather go date a giraffe.

4.The gory patriots. If you know enough about the Pearl of the Indian Ocean, you’d most probably know something of the pseudo ethical conflict that’s going on somewhere North. Pseudo ethical because in essence it is NOT an ethical conflict. It’s just two prissy leaders using men (and children) to fight for them in a battle that’s never going to end. Honestly, do you think everything’s going to be over the moment the LTTE surrenders? No way. The war has been here for aeons. And so it has etched it’s mark deep inside the minds of the beautiful people. There’s just no stopping it. Oh, I digress. The patriots. Okay, here’s the deal. Every evening, there is a special feature on radio called news where they read out the numbers, statistics and facts and figures of the ongoing war (oh the pseudo whatever ethical conflict) And that’s where the patriots rise. To them, the war is merely a number game. If more terrorists die, they are happy because we are winning. If it’s the other way around, they convert themselves into the above mentioned stereotype at the blink of an eye and go out hunting for a poor victim who’s evening they could ruin by gloating hordes of useless information at them, (cess pits and shit pipes).

5. The parlimentarians. Honestly, I don’t even have to go there right now. So I’l just get on with the name calling part. The Parliament, I feel, is full of lousy old dickheads that deserve to go selling fish in Manning market than resort to improving the country. Of course they aren’t improving the country. They are fucking it up. Even as I type this up…they are raping the beautiful country. Soon, there won’t be any left. And I’m sure about that.

And going on about the parliamentarians reminds me of the countless number of taxes the government is imposing these days. It’s bad enough the vehicles are priced like air brushed russian whores. Which should be more than enough to explain why you are never likely to see me drive around in a car. In this country. Hey Mr. President, how about a Moustache Tax? I see you’ve got one. Or is it fake like the many other things that you have and flank around the place?

I don’t think I really wanna know that. Anyways, It’s high time I hit the sack.